How to Walk
by Momosportif
Summary: Allen centric fic written because I wanted to examine his relationship to all the other main characters and because he's cute and lovable and deserves to have fics written about him. Character's belong to Hoshino. Read and enjoy! Review if so inclined!


Allen does not like for things to be exciting. This comes as a shock to many, but upon close examination it makes sense. He follows a path riddled with excitement, but we do not always like the paths we choose and we do not always chose the paths we walk. And he must keep walking. But Allen is walking towards what he hopes is his beloved familiarity. Excitement is merely an unavoidable roadblock on his journey to what is familiar, and, for that, he will never stop walking.

Lenalee is familiar. In her eyes he sees his own and they are both sad. When her lips move he sees a sob waiting to escape the always-forced smile and when he puts a finger to his lips he can feel the same forced curve at the corners. But she is also excitement beneath this. Those same eyes always threaten to suck him into their melancholic depths and freeze over before he can surface. And those same lips are the lips he can't escape in his guilty dreams where they are beyond just familiar. Sometimes it is hard to love a sister (as a sister).

Kanda is excitement and therefore first on the "people to be avoided" list. He is an enemy and chose to be so, wanted vehemently to be so, and, as far as Allen is concerned, deserves to be considered as such. Bastard. His eyes are impenetrable chips of volcano lacing that, like their hardened magma source, no longer offer warmth or sympathy for Allen's sad gray ashes. And his lips are set in a permanent frown, a sealed cave that only cracks to mutter the occasional "che" that tastes so very sour on Allen's trembling lips. But he is also familiar beneath this aggression. Inside all demons resides another soul, and Kanda is no different. Inside him, Yu is shaking with every step and crying all of Kanda's tears. Yu cries all the time so that Kanda can be the hard person he wants to be. And it is Yu who forces Kanda's lips to do more than ferry "che"s across their port in Allen's even guiltier dreams where he passes the barrier of excitement and finds the familiar soul within. He sees this soul with his eye (the right one).

Miranda is all excitement. But he has a place for her in his familiar-ness because that type of excitement has become so constant. He was forced to hold her like a firefly, one summer night, while someone in the shadows went to fetch a jar and now occasionally sees her glow as he passes through excitements and is relieved that he no longer has to hold her. But he remembers the touch of her wings fondly. So even though he'll walk by her today, one day he will open the jar and let her go. Just in case. She may be the last firefly (that he holds).

Krory was an excitement. But it was all an illusion created by unnecessary grandeur and the circumstances under which they met. Krory may actually be the most familiar, but Allen doesn't know this. He just feels it. When they are lost they are lost together. When one is wounded they both lose blood. When one feels pain that no one else understands they have but to exchange glances and know every symptom. And neither will have a remedy. Allen is content, however, to suffer in good company. Krory is the best of eating companions (and always will be).

Lavi was hard for Allen to call, and therefore automatically an excitement. Not only _an_ excitement but _the_ excitement, the core of all excitements, the king of excitements. Allen was prepared to hate him. But he had forgotten that excitement could be fun. And so Lavi became a singular excitement that Allen made sure to always keep close to him so that he would not forget. The excitement of fun turned out to be only half of it though. Beneath this Allen expected to find something familiar but was shocked by more excitement. The serious kind. His dual excitements contradicted each other so Lavi shouldn't have been able to exist. Allen could not quite comprehend this and, being but a child, was childishly disappointed to know that the hand he refused to release would, or rather, could, never be familiar. It is hard to realize you lost something (you never had).

Komui did not have to speak more than two words for Allen to know what he was. If Lavi was the king of excitements, all his subjects were created by Komui. He was surrounded by excitements and constantly sending him out into more, as if he didn't encounter enough at home. But Allen had known immediately that he was familiar. Even now, taking into account all the excitements he's had to deal with because of Komui, Allen would go through it all again just to know he'd keep that familiar-ness. It is Komui who lets him keep walking and will make sure he is caught if he falls. Allen could see the eyes behind the glasses (and they are a lot like Mana's).

And there are a thousand more excitements and a thousand more familiars in Allen's path, before him and behind him. He has not quite figured out what they are for yet, but these things come with age. Allen may not get the chance to age so he will have to feel (he'll look up for a nod from Krory) and watch his path (which a firefly will light when it gets too dark) and learn that there's power in both eyes (Kanda will be sure to teach him) and remember how to have fun (Lavi won't let him forget) and that falling is okay (he'll realize on the phone with Komui) because someone will always help you up, no matter how many times they have to (sisters will always love you). Allen will keep on walking. But he must learn that there is more than before and beyond on his path. He must learn about together.


End file.
